Dealing With Life and Death: Coping with Grief and Loss
When an individual suffers a loss they can feel distressed, sorrowful or regretful. These feelings are components of grief,
the emotion that occurs after a loss. The most common type of loss associated with grief is death, but grief can also be
caused by retirement, losing a job or moving to a new home. Every person copes with loss and the subsequent grieving process
differently, but not all will be able to do so successfully on their own. In fact, some behaviors could hinder the healing
process. An extremely important aspect of the grieving process is recognizing its importance and permitting it to take its
course.
Common Reactions to Loss
The grieving process has been broken into five major steps: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. While
established, there is no guarantee that every individual will experience all of them or in order, and therefore they should
only be used as a guide. No two people respond the same way to loss or will have the same emotions within each step. Regardless
of when and how these emotions appear, individuals should accept them as they arrive and permit themselves to fully experience
each one.
Denial, Numbness and Shock
Upon hearing of a loss, most individuals enter into a state of shock. This type of shock is different than the shock that
makes a person immobile and unable to comprehend the world around them, although that too can occur. Shock associated with
grief is designed to protect the individual experiencing the loss from experiencing the true intensity of the loss, which
just might cause the previously mentioned overwhelming incapacitation. Denial, numbness and shock are normal reactions to
news of a loss and not an indication of a lack of feeling. Over time these emotions usually diminish.
Bargaining
Typically, the denial of the loss eventually evolves into bargaining. This bargaining aims at reversing the loss or analyzing
what could have been done to prevent the loss. When bargaining many individuals may imagine impractical possibilities or
solutions to the loss. If the bargaining process is allowed too much leeway or becomes extremely intense it could actually
hinder the grieving process. This is because the mind, and therefore the individual, could become preoccupied with how the
loss could have been prevented and become unable to move forward in the grieving process.
Depression
Once reality settles over an individual, he or she can begin to feel depressed. The symptoms of depression over a loss are
similar to those found in other types of depression: loss of sleep or appetite, crying, a feeling of emptiness and a lack
of attention or energy. Sometimes these symptoms could become severe enough to warrant the individual seeking psychiatric
help. These feeling usually begin to lessen after a period of time.
Anger
After the previous emotions run their course, many individuals will become angry about their loss. This anger can be due
to feelings of powerlessness, abandonment and resentment about having been subjected to the loss. Religious persons may
feel resentful towards a higher power. These feelings are extremely natural and can indicate that the mind has fully recognized
the loss.
Acceptance
Healing from a loss occurs when an individual can accept and make peace about it. The time in which this will happen depends
on the individual, the type of loss and whether anything has impeded the grieving process. Accepting a loss does not mean
that the grief and its accompanying sadness has ended. Many individuals continue to feel sad about their loss well after
accepting it. Acceptance, therefore, indicates that an individual has recognized and come to terms with the loss happening.
Factors That Can Hinder Healing
Many factors can actually hinder the healing that the grief process is intended to provide. Avoidance of the loss, such
as refusing to discuss the loss, over-working and minimizing or denying emotions, are common impediments to healing. Alcohol
and drug use can also be a hindrance because they impede the mind and body’s normal reactions. Letting the emotions
of grief settle and evolve can allow a person to completely recover from the loss.
Help Resolving Grief
Support groups and therapy can assist individuals that are unable to process their emotions or who would like to be with
others experiencing the same feelings. Therapy will provide individualized assistance. Support groups are often free and
can be attended on an individual’s own schedule and can help a person process their own feelings and not feel so alone.
Groups can be focused on a general loss or those with a very specific type of loss, such as a relative’s death by
suicide.
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